BRIA’S OWN WORDS…

I have received my FIRST award from a sister blogger!

Ann Brock of The Old Black Church

hooked me up! Thanks Ann!

Now in keeping with the spirit of recognition, I’m going to pay it forward but b4 I do u must know the rules-just in case U want to hook someone up, too! The rules are as follows:

Rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog.

2. Add a link to the person who awarded it to you.

3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.

4. Add links to these blogs on your blog.

5. Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

Y’all know how the story goes-but this is for the newbies. Here are the recipients of the Brilliante Weblog Awards, in no certain order:

1. Rawdawgbuffalo Blackosphere’s militant rebel-dictionary/thesaurus necessary-u will be educated at this blog!!

2. darkbrotha prompts you to you think about what our community lacks

3. Creole Pimp read his blog, then you’ll understand

4.Tasherre Denajetic Gotta support the homegrown!

5. CC Groovy-Supports women, always has an understanding heart, and respects Team Fatback aka Women Rockin’ Curves

6. Blue Dreamer, I don’t know where he gets the energy to blog as much as he does…and it’s INTERACTIVE! SMH He def deserves an award allllll the way in the Phillipines! Thanks, Blue Dreamer!
7. Write On Bro dedicated to ministering and uplifting hi Christian brother, Write does a serious exegesis on the 10 Commandments!*check out the hilarious 10 commandment for the Redneck Christian!

8. And the male version of me…One Man We’re so tight…we disagree like family but minus the disownment lol, Distance (i’m in Mi, he’s in TX) cannot keep us from checking up on-or checking each other…this is my brother-I’m coming to visit u next year-fo’ sho…u better not be ashy either!!

I chose to uplift the male bloggers because we as women lift up each other moreso. Also, I don’t want to see the same people getting acknowledged and not others who are just as deserving.

I am going to award this to 3 women who I think are deserving of this award. These women saw a need in their community, and have met the needs.

Necole Bitchie for creating The Urban Blogger

Melanie Hervey for creating a place where DBM grads of Los Angeles, CA can congregate and catch up on each other’s lives

and

Pastor Lanette, who has birthed a blog for women, womeninhealing, who no longer want to hurt and love Christ or want to get to know Christ!

Congratulations to Everyone!!

I’m realllly getting fed up with the quality of men I’m meeting , i’ve met but who are now relegated in my life as ‘formers’, ‘exes’. They view me as their ‘fallback’-you know, if it’s a quiet night cuz their girls are doing their thang…or let’s say they have nothin better to do..they’ll have an epiphany and call me. Or they’ve ended a relationship…so now I’m receiving texts and phone calls from them. Bottom line…i have nothing else better to do-let me call bree! okkkkkk

Admittedly, during my times of vulnerability and being forever a *closet* romantic there have been times when I’ve backtracked and attempted to finish what we started-to no avail. I have on occasion hoped against hope that maybe this time we’ll get it right. Haaaaa!

Case in point:

My first love. Wow…i fell for the rascal hook-line-and sinker at a Jehovah’s Witness convention when i was 15. YEAH, YEAH I was a J.W. but I digress. Jordan was all I could have wished for, he was:

• slightly older
• employed
• had his own car

and

• was very respectful

Jordan faithfully picked me up at my bus stop in high school, we went to baseball games, basketball games etc etc….until he broke my heart. I mean I gave my virtue to him when I was 16-I mean, I thought I was going to marry him-until he broke my heart at 17. Sooo a couple of years pass and at 20 yrs of age we reunite-I get pregnant (pregnancy was terminated) and due to immature issues-he broke my heart-again. Even tried again in my 30’s-he didn’t break my heart this time because by then I guarded my heart. He has never loved me the way I loved him and he never will be able to. So why does he keep telling me he loves me when I KNOW he’s selfish and a liar?? This isn’t news to him-cuz when I catch in said untruth, I call him on the carpet. I’m not being mean…it’s just fact. I mean he’s shown me that consistently for 25yrs. But you want to marry me *scoff* yeah ok.

‘Nother case in point:

Guy #2 and I dated 3-4 yrs ago…calls me during his dry spells. We had GREAT chemistry during our dating season. Wherever we were, laughter was sure to follow, his kids loved me and I loved them yada yada yada…the problem?? His ego. Attention from ONE WOMAN was/is not enuf for him. We went our separate ways, but have maintained contact thru the occasional email, or phone call. Recently (last 30 days) he called me and we met up at the DIA (Detroit Institute of Arts) and had a hilarious time! I’m serious-there were laughs after laughs after laug ok u get the idea. Feelings that I thought were gone but were simply dormant began to stir up, funny memories were spoken of and then he said he wanted to rekindle a relationship. Sounds nice right? *scoff* Uhhh…no. I asked about his attention-seeking-from-other-women-disease, and he laughed.  Shooooot, I didn’t know i said something funny!  He then said, ‘ok Bree, I do have a problem, ok?’  Uhhh tell me something I didn’t know. I know u have a problem-it’s the same problem u had when were 2gether. And I’m thinking ‘So u’ve never done anything about that?!’  hmmmm…ok.  Well I’m straight on you ok?  And honestly, he doesn’t understand the problem smh.  He doesn’t have to.  I go out with other guys and tell him about it and he gets mad. Whatev, dude.  I told him he can’t be anything but a friend, so why was he trippin’??  Do they even need a reason to tripp?? Where are the brothers who say they want a good strong woman?  I told dude #1, brothas get mad when sistas date out of their race, but what are we to do when the BROTHAS continue to disrespect us?? Don’t we deserve to be treated well??

Why is it that women who DOG men in their relationships, have men who are the most loyal??  but the women who are loyal to their men, are cheated on-disrespected in some type of way??

I don’t know if it’s bcuz I’m 40 but…I’ve made a decision to not limit myself to the ‘brothas’ anymore.

I am open to interracial relationships.  Not bcuz I’m tired of black men (although their ways <those I’ve experienced-not all!> leaves a lot to be desired)

I’m going to weigh my options, and if anotha-’brotha’-of-anotha-cola wants to holla at me…I’m going to see what’s up.

I’m not one of those A.B.W (angry black women) who get mad, tripp out, cuss out black men who date women who aren’t black.  I could care less-do you boo.

By that same virtue-I’m going to do me.  

I’ve lived long enuf to know that one man’s trash (i’m not trash-u know what i mean! Come on, relax) is another man’s treasure.  I will not settled until I am treasured.

What my brothas won’t do- someone else will.

Unfortunately, we are not one big happy family (see pic below).

Case in point, the ish hit the fan

when my mom called me this past Saturday to tell me that my fave aunty (orig fave aunty passed almost 10yrs ago) will be visiting MI from GA at the end of the month and she (my aunt) wants the fam to get together and go out to eat at Fishbones Rhythm Cafe in Detroit. My mother goes on to say that my cousin (my aunt’s daughter) insists that I show up. Hmmm, it sounds like a good idea. And I haven’t seen my aunt in almost a year.

I immediately commit and then I remember…family drama.

I asked my mom who will be in attendance?

IMMEDIATELY my mom goes on the defense and asks, ‘WHY?!’

My mama already knew why, so she might as well’ve just answered the question…she didn’t.

I replied, “obviously because I want to know.”

She then goes on to say, ” u know what Bree…we’re family and my sister simply wants us to get together as a family…”

Before she could continue beating around the bush, I said ‘yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah…who’s going to be there??’

Knowing I wouldn’t change the subject nor allow her to change the subject she started naming names,’…’Raine will be there, Inga, Jenny, Pie..’

I said , ‘Pie?!’ oh I know I’m not going now.”

then my mama- in an indignantly rude manner that is exclusive only to her asks “WHY?? WHAT’S WRONG WITH PIE?!

I looked at my cell phone as if it insulted my intelligence.

sigh

my mama knew what was wrong with Pie, because for years I have told her what WAS WRONG with Pie!

And like all other things that causes her (mama) discomfort, she simply sweeps the issue under the rug.

Well not today.

I pulled that rascal back-and exposed some dirt!

I replied, besides ‘her bragging ________(car, home, grandkids, kids, husband, job, great-granddaughter, church, hair, clothes, dog, doctors, prescriptions, pharmacist, car door, neighbor, surgery, doctor, groceries, kids’ school clothes, etc), cutting you off when ur speaking, changing the subject when a topic hits too close to home, being fake as hell, always having to ‘one-up’ you (’oh Sista ur greatgrand baby started walking at 1? Chile mine’s was walking and taking out trash at 4 mos-Sandra trained that chile real good!!’), taking mental notes of you (what u wear, what u said, what u ate etc) so she can talk about u with her daughter afterwards -NOTHING IS WRONG.’

For a reason, only known to my mother, she blames me for not wanting to be around my aunt, and excuses her 60-something yr old sister for her hurtful, insulting behavior. Nevermind that this woman has also offended her(my mama) grandkids.

My children will have nothing to do with her and I don’t blame them-cuz I won’t either!

You’d think my mom would at least have a ‘talk’ with her sister.

She refuses.

Btw, my mother is the oldest child.

I understand that my mom is not like me-she’s not confrontational (i didn’t say argumentative). If something bothers me, I address head on.

I don’t talk behind your back. Approx 96% of my fam talks behind your back, instead of seeking resolution. Ok, that’s fine. But what will it take for my mom to say enuf, Pie you will not continue to provoke my child?!

When she insulted my mother, my mother didn’t say anything.

I told her (my mama) if u like it, I love it. Cuz she’d (my mama) do nothin but blame me if I jumped in. so i left it alone.

Question: why do I have to go to Fishbone’s, give them ALL OF MY $$ AND be held hostage (voluntarily) as my aunt regale us with tales she’s spinned in her head on her way to the restaurant, when I can get that for free come Xmas?? Needless to say, my mother’s pissed. I told my mom she’s the least of my concern. My children are my greatest concern…and I will not subject them to insults and back-handed compliments from my aunt.

Unlike most families, we were not raised to be close.

We just weren’t.

My mother and her siblings raised their children (not my grandparents’ doing) independent of each other. There was no cohesion coming up, and there is none today.

“Family” reunions feel more like a block party-getting to know ur neighbors and familiar faces…but u didn’t go out of your way to be social

I have no bond with my aunt, and it’s not for a lack of trying.  She for whatever reason has put forth no effort to establish a relationship with me, and since I’ve accepted that (maybe a little to easily), my mother has issues with my nonchalant attitude towards her.

My aunt is a stranger and when we speak, I honestly can’t wait for the conversation to end!

Do I love her? Of course.

Do I like her?? HELL NAW!

I just cannot in my heart of hearts sit down at a table, eat and simultaneously swallow the crap that will come out of my aunt’s mouth.

David Blaine couldn’t do that suspended in air standing on the head of a stick pin will submerged upside down in my favorite coffee cup, on a hot-cold-wintry-summer-after-night.

So don’t expect me to!

Images source: Google Images

sigh.

It was nice while it laste, oh whom am I kidding??

I knew were pretty much a wrap, after about a month and a half. I’ve written a little about my ‘episode’…yeah, I guess that what i’d refer to it as…an episode on my other blog U Betta Recognize but I just can’t get over how in looking back over my life…I (for some reason) attract men who are nicely wrapped (like a wonderful Xmas present), but ends up having serious issues.

what. the.hell.

LIAR

(Lying by omission, is STILL LYING…cuz I ALWAYS ASK the RIGHT QUESTIONS!!)

CHEATER (TO ME FLIRTING IS CHEATING, AND WHAT??)

MENTALLY ILL

ISSUES ISSUES ISSUES

I’m trying to remain encouraged, but the last episode (mentally ill) included a nice, chivalrous (despite his MANY ISSUES he NEVER failed to open/close my door) older gentleman of 48. He was well-mannered, nice in appearance but something about him just seemed off. I just chalked it up to him being (forgive me if offend anyone), a nerd. Where I have book/street smarts, he simply had book smarts. I admit it was very attractive…but he was just plain awkward. That’s the only I can describe it. Awkward to the point of being plum embarrassing! For example, upon meeting new people he’d break the ice with a joke. Then another joke, and then another joke, and then anoth-, well u get the idea. When I introduced him to my mother, because he didn’t know what to say-HE HUGGED HER.

My mother was like what.the.hell.

That wasn’t the worse part. sigh. When he spoke he pontificated, and I don’t mean as a Bishop, either. This man spoke incessantly for at least 8 minutes. How do I know?? I TIMED HIM! I live in an apartment on the 2nd flr, right? Well knowing he would still be rambling if I put the phone down, I’d go downstairs to my car, come back up, get something to drink, use the bathroom, wash my hands, and pick up my cell and HE’D STILL BE CHATTERING AWAY… smh Then what results is that I have now become soooo incensed at his arrogrance and lack of courtesy for the OTHER PERSON ON THE PHONE…ME-that I would butt in and tell him how rude and selfish his behavior was and that I did not appreciate being held hostage. After consistently being the inactive party in a dialogue, his words just ran together and began to sound like:

I then resorted to holding conversations via text messaging. That way i can choose what to read, he was a itty texter, and I didn’t have to hear his voice.

Yes, i was developing some issues.

But the mentally ill part came in that for the first 2 wks we had met…it was beautiful-poetry, cards etc. He was happy.

Around the 16th day, I noticed he ALWAYS complained. He complained about his life, but he always lived in the past. He had lost his career after 9/11 as an engineer and never made the $$$ since that time. Well many people were affected, and didn’t sit around feeling sorry for themselves. They made lemon out of lemonade. I’d give him biblical scriptures to encourage him-but after about the 4th day I was getting upset.

IMO it seems he wanted me to do the work for him. He wanted me to have the answers for his life. No thanks, I have my own and my children’s to deal with thank you.

It was soon after that, that I noticed that he used manipulative tactics. For instance, I do not want to hear about females from my man’s past. I just don’t. So he would say, here check my phone (knowing I’m nosy) and lo and behold-there was a females number in his call history! It didn’t take long to realize that he derived some type of perverse pleasure when I would ‘tripp’

Also bcuz he had never ‘been in the streets’ he was very condescending and unsympathetic towards people who were down on their luck (nevermind that accdg to him HE was down on his luck, and was depressing at least 5/7 days a week!)

what.the.hell

It grew to the point that the relationship episode had become tiring. In two short months, I was now certifiably miserable.

When the time came to “have the talk,” I let D.J. (not his real initials) know the relationshi episode was not progressing. I am not going to make u happy, while I’m chronically miserable, it’s a wrap. Lights out.

When D.J. expressed his feelings, he said he would do better–but shoot he had been saying that for 1.5 mos now. When he saw i was unmoved, he played the mutha of ALL CARDS.

The SUICIDE card.

U MUST BE KIDDING ME?!

Keeping in mind that I have had 3 FRIENDS/ASSOCIATES in my life commit suicide, and my son’s 14 y/o classmate was found hanging by his own hand last year-I DO NOT PLAY, OK?

Anyhooo…knowing D.J., was a coward (and he is proud of that fact) I called his bluff. I asked him if he were going to take pills, when did he plan to commit the act, and if he went thru w-it write his mom/bro letters saying it’s not their fault.

He said he was going to commit suicide that night, and when “they” (people) come to me and ask WHY I (Bria) allowed it to happen, I’ll have to deal with it.

I told him I know how depressing he was, his mama, and his bro knew too. Nobody would come to me, and if they did-my conscious was clear. And he had the wrong sista cuz I don’t give into to emotional blackmail!

Short story long- he did not commit suicide. I drove up to his car the next day-and said I was praying for him. (I actually need to that-I haven’t cuz I was toooo outdone! smh)

The little respect I had for him quickly fizzled out.

He did text me recently, asking for a reconciliation (seriously)

Ohh hellllz to the nizzzawwll!

I do wish him the best.

Honestly…I give up on relationships.

Historically, it seems as soon as I am happy to be in a relationship the ugliness rears its ugly head, and the relationship is virtually over.

sigh

pray for me, fam.

test

Sorry Readers…I’m experiencing technical difficulties beyond my control…I’ll be back to blogging asap

thanks for understanding…

bria

My Future…

Turning 40 has been a blessing in my life. My mind has opened towards things, I formerly opposed. For ex., schooling. While I’m exhausted from going to school (University of Phoenix, Bachelor’s Admin)…I know I can’t quit now. I was going to immediately go into their Master’s program…I mean it seemed like the logical thing to do. However, it was put upon me sooooo tough to go to LAW SCHOOL. Myself…I was opposed to it, in that I felt I was too old to go to law school. Also, I did not think I could carry that school load. If I was younger…I would go into entertainment law and swim with the rest of the sharks. Now that I’ve tasted the corporate life, and seen 1st hand how ‘politics’ can hurt the low man on the totem pole, my focus has shifted towards leveling the playing field. It is my desire to work on behalf of the EEOC or an equivalent. At my place of employment people are scared to fight due to retribution. It’s called the Whistleblower Protection Act, people!! Accdg to my calculations, I have about another year b4 my bachelor’s degree is completed, and then I’ll go directly to law school. I’m thinking about applying to Detroit’s illustrious Wayne State University Law School.

While it is a daunting task, I am up for the challenge. I ask for your thoughts, prayers, and encouragement. I’ve had enough of trying to climb a corporate ladder that only rewards a selected few for their individualism. While there is a higher accountability being an attorney, I’ve chosen to not go into a law specialty that will cause me to lose a) sleep, or b) my dignity/integrity. I’m not trying to be a hero…but God has given me the gifts of logic, debate, and fighting for the underdog…and it took 39yrs to know those are ingredients that are conducive to my becoming a lawyer. I don’t want to change the world, I just want the average Joe to know that he/she can fight back.

**for more info on Whistleblower law…check out Whistleblower Laws

–Bria

Here’s something Heather can’t take away from Paul. Today, Paul McCartney was awarded the doctorate of Music from University of Yale.

Sir Paul McCartney, left, holds a pennant presented to him as he walks in the academic procession to the Yale University Commencement ceremonies in New Haven, Conn., Monday, May 26.

CONGRATS PAUL!

More Scans for the stans…

fresh from Urban Scanz

Mrs. Cannon’s Vibe Mag pictorial

Non-ebony, but still fab ladies of SATC

actor, Christian Keyes…sigh